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Posted by Unholy Emperor on 08-19-2011 at16:05:

 

(lets see if this post will attract users to post jokes here)

And the barman said "We don't serve time travellers in here!"


A time traveller walks into a bar........



EDIT: This isnt a multi-post, its a thread revival.

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Posted by Pops on 08-19-2011 at20:31:

 

how do you fit a baby into a bucket


blender.


how do you fit a nursery into a bucket?

bigger blender.



how do you get them back out again?

doritos.

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Posted by Unholy Emperor on 08-19-2011 at20:45:

 

I was chatting to a Pikey woman in the pub last night.

She said, "Come back to my place and I'll show you a good time."

She wasn't wrong, It was amazing.

We went on the Waltzer, shared some candy floss and I won a goldfish!

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My mate just said to me, "If you became invisible, what would you do first?"

I said, "I'd go to Paris, find a performing street mime and beat him to death, the round of applause he'd get would be astounding."

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Posted by gimli on 11-26-2011 at21:17:

 

Two blondes went shopping one day and lost there keys. They didnt notice till they got back so the started to attempt picking the lock with a wire hanger. After 2 hours of this on blond looks up at the sky and see's its going to start raining so she says

"Hurry up it's going the rain and the top's down on my car"

Also a personal favourite = women's rights lol
and if you're a woman and want to complain please dont just go home and make sandwiches for the nearest man

why dont women need driving liscencees
because there's no road between the kitchen and the bedroom

why does Micheal Jackson like twenty-eight year olds
because theres 20 of them

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Posted by smierc on 01-03-2012 at04:19:

 

femtex - a hormone based explosive that becomes incredibly unstable once a month.

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Posted by smierc on 01-17-2012 at19:54:

 

why did the man cross the road? Because he got his dick stuck in the chicken.

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Posted by Ba_al on 12-14-2012 at17:15:

 

Three Guys

Three guys were driving in a car when it broke down. One was Irish, one Itlian, and one Polish.

When there car broke down they walked to the nearest house. It was raining so they asked if they could stay the night.

The farmer said yes as long as they didn't touch his daughter.

So that night, the farmers hot daughter invited the Irish guy to her room, but to get to her room they had to walk past the farmers room where his cat slept in the doorway.

The Irish guy goes over and the floor squeeks, the farmer wakes up and says "What was that?"

The irish guy quickly went "meeeeoowww".The farmer went back to sleep and Irish guy went to the girls room and they had [toast].

Next she wanted the Italian guy, so he went over and the same thing happened, the floor squeeked, farmer wakes up, "meeeowww", farmer goes back to sleep.

Finally the Polish guy goes over, and the floor squeeks, the farmer asks agiain "What was that?",

The Polish guy responds, "Its me the cat!"

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Posted by alyat on 12-14-2012 at19:25:

 

One day an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walked into a pub together. They each bought a pint of Guinness.

Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage, three flies landed in each of their pints, and were stuck in the thick head.

The Englishman pushed his beer away in disgust.

The Scotsman fished the fly out of his beer, and continued drinking it, as if nothing had happened.

The Irishman, too, picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over the beer, and started yelling, "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT YOU BAS**RD!!!!"

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Posted by Indica on 02-02-2013 at19:59:

 

A girl I know said the last time she had sex, it was like the men's Olympic 100 meter final. I laughed, "Over in 9.5 seconds?" "No," she said, "Eight black men and a gun."

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Posted by Cheese!!!!!!!!! :D on 02-03-2013 at23:26:

 

These aren't ones I came up with myself but still alright:

Why did the sperm cross the road?

- Because I wore the wrong socks. :/ *BA DUM TSS*

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How does Justin Bieber remove a condom?

- He farts. *BA DUM TSS*