 Tale of the Twins Book Two  |
Lysandra
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Registration Date: 01-11-2008
Posts: 531
Location: Canada
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| Tale of the Twins Book Two |
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And so it begins...again. I'll warn everyone right now, I don't have a lot of free time to work on this so there may be a bit of a wait between chapters and what not, sorry in advance. I'll try to post once a week. Also, I'm working on two stories at once, this and another one so yeah, my time is split and limited....always bodes well...lol.
When I post, I'll try to space it out as much as I can (as long as I remember) so it's a bit easier on the eyes.
If you haven't read book one, might be wise to do that as you would be totally lost here....lol.
You can all thank La Puce for re-inspiring me with this, I had basically started the prologue (right after finishing book 1) then slammed into writer's block so hard I didn't touch this until last night.
WARNING in advance: Swearing, for those who are easily offended. I'm sorry but I can't protray my brother's character as a blunt, brash, egotistical jerk without the swearing...it's just not in his nature to not swear IRL and in this story.
Without further rambling:
The Tale of the Twins
Book Two: The Steel Wars
Prologue:
The night was cool, the air bearing the hints of winter as the year came to an end. The sky was dark there was no moon, no stars to light the way. But it was starting to lighten slowly; soon the sun would rise and warm the earth. In the distance a city stood on the brink of victory over the evil that had been dwelling there. The traveller assumed this, he did not know for sure if the battle he had run from had been decided yet.
Orange coloured hair shifted as a breath of cool night air passed over this lone traveller. He walked briskly away from the city, over the cracked asphalt road with its faded yellow line. The trees to either side of him were in a state of half-decay, rendered as such by the final world war. No car had travelled over this lonely road, only a multitude of feet many months ago.
The lone traveller, formerly known as La Puce, formerly known as Patris, wandered along the center line with a smirk on his angular face. An hour ago he had passed the old decrepit city limits sign, in a mere few moments he would be in the city proper. Once there he could kill again, once there, he could spy. Once he entered this city, all hell would break loose.
The lone traveller, now known as Aries, stepped into the city proper amazed at the slight transition of trees to homes and buildings. Three dozen steps later and he was on a main road of the city looking around himself with interest. Humans were out, crawling from their hovels and hiding places to begin their days, such as their days were. Aries paid them no heed. Instead he walked into a building and hid in the shadows, the night was soon to be over and he did not want to be caught out in the sun.
As the sun rose outside, Aries sighed. He wanted to begin the plans of mayhem as quickly as possible but with the night over, he was stuck with thinking and only thinking. He shrugged to himself and did just that: thinking. He knew of three spies that were in the city, friends of the weakling La Puce. They would not know him but that was a mote point. If needed, he could force the information he needed out of them, that information was detrimental to the rest of his plans.
Once he located BoS, the Brotherhood of Steel, he could start the mayhem. It would be easy enough for him to pose as a joining member and pass their battery of test to actually become trusted. After that, he would suggest to Mortis that this city was horrid and he should think of moving before all his people abandoned him. A few nights of pester would be enough to cause the all ready planning Mortis to leave this city and take the next.
Aries grinned and laughed lightly to himself. Once BoS made the preparations to move out, he would slip from their ranks and return to his former home. He figured he would be back there in a matter of five or six days. If all went well he could cause a ruckus there while BoS moved in. Then he could easily flow into anonymousity while the battle for the city raged. The war wouldn’t take place for quite some time though, BoS would move in first than try to gain the city slowly instead of just taking it all at once.
Furthermore, Aries figured it would take a few weeks for the leaders to set themselves up for a second war. A war much larger than the first war, a war to make the one with Azrael seem like it was mere child’s play. A war that would make the city streets run red with ancient blood, a war that would bring hell to earth. Aries laughed out right, his insane roar flowing out of the broken windows and making the few humans shiver in fright. If only those humans knew what was in store for the coming weeks.
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Former leader of the Family of Darkness.
Buying titanium neckwear of accuracy. PM in game.
Check out my website: www.vonravenstone.com
| quote: |
Originally posted by *GayTiger*
lys... that was amazing, it's pure orgasm on a page!
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08-04-2009 03:35 |
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Ba_al
Viking
Registration Date: 08-05-2008
Posts: 618
Location: Ireland :bulmers cider factory
Race in game: Cultist
Clan: DB
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| RE: Tale of the Twins Book Two |
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its been a while
but damn its good to see u writing again 
l
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in-game-name
underworld: Ba_alzamon
I have a rich caramel filling
Founding father and former leader of ENDBRINGERS
DraGan 15:51 -> the time is never important, only the destination , thats how bal rolls 
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08-04-2009 11:56 |
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Nemazis
Lord
Registration Date: 04-10-2008
Posts: 354
Location: England, London
Race in game: Absorber
Clan: Badger
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What the hell did puce do to make you start writing again? All i can say is he's a flipping genius getting you to write again. Now i ain't gonna be SO bored on the pc XD
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I'm back y'all, and I'm back y'all
And I'm backety back and I'm back y'all
And I'm back y'all, and I'm back y'all
And I'm backety back and I'm back y'all
I'm backety back back
And back back and backety back yo
Because I'm back and I'm black
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08-05-2009 09:21 |
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Raziel666
Double Ace
Registration Date: 06-26-2008
Posts: 146
Location: Caught in the Maelstrom
Race in game: Absorber
Clan: BOS & AOD
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Damn Lys nice start
I have to smile at the differences between our two styles.
I was reading your original story and I love the differences you and I come up with and all based around the same people.
I look forward to reading your new book.
I also now need to finish my first, I don't think I'm too far off you will be pleased to hear.
just the critic in me though, you need to re-read your work and change the grammatic errors I found a couple. Add these and the story should flow better.
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TIME TO LOST SOME WEIGHT - I WANT MY MITSI !!!
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08-05-2009 11:02 |
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Lysandra
Viking
Registration Date: 01-11-2008
Posts: 531
Location: Canada
Race in game: Beastmaster
Thread Starter 
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@ Ba_al: Thanks
It's been a few months actually...lol. I distinctly remember saying near the end of the last chapter (or something) of book 1 that book 2 would take a year to start. So technically I'm ahead...lol.
@DJ: We were having a converstation about...something. I can't remember how it started, kind of like when you and I talk and he mentioned...something...that I have now added into the story. He usually does that though, mentions something that would fit. He's like my flea muse...lol
@Raz: I've always loved the differences between our two styles. We should attempt a co-write of my characters vs yours. I think your Raziel would kick my Raziel's butt, not too sure on who would win the fight between the two sets of twins though.
It's almost done?
I've been reading it and I love your protrayal of Diablo, he's awesome. Mine might pale in comparison, just means I have to work harder that's all...lol. Artoir was a nice twist too.
Grammar errors? Really? Well dang...lol. I'll attempt to look later. I'm surprised though that no one caught any of the errors in the first book (that I've been catching now), especially the one that technically could have screwed up the story majorly in the last chapter...lol. Someone probably did catch them, just no one told me...lol. Oddly enough, I've read the prologue over at least 20 times (trying to get inspired) and still haven't seen them. Hm.
__________________
Former leader of the Family of Darkness.
Buying titanium neckwear of accuracy. PM in game.
Check out my website: www.vonravenstone.com
| quote: |
Originally posted by *GayTiger*
lys... that was amazing, it's pure orgasm on a page!
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08-05-2009 15:33 |
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Hespera
Lord
Registration Date: 05-06-2007
Posts: 266
Location: Canada
Race in game: Absorber
Clan: The Coven
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Oooh, another story! So excited to read it all .
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Clan Leader of The Coven
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08-12-2009 09:32 |
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Raziel666
Double Ace
Registration Date: 06-26-2008
Posts: 146
Location: Caught in the Maelstrom
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Clan: BOS & AOD
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Hey Lys
Though I would read this fromt the start this time and not find this story half way completed like the last one. I'm gonna put my critic hat on and see if I can help - Story, Spelling and Grammer
** he bent and lifted her and the hell-blade into his arms bridal style
- Comma between the arms and bridal style
** Hespera managed to ask, eyes showing the whites in shock
- Rules of Physics Lys - Whites cannot show shock - your pupils will tend to dialate to show the reaction and you tend to open your eyes very wide.
** “I’ll live. How is your sister?” Azz replied, motioning to
- You already mentioned this a few sentances ago - you might want to concider changing
** “Well all we can do is wait and heal.” Raziel said with a defeated sigh
- Well apart from the fact I've never been a defeatised
- This phrase emplies that the group have to wait and heal themselves rather then Lys.
** we should make our way back to the Family of Darkness’s base.” Hespera said with a dry tone
- Ok - me beng picky - We know that Hespera is talking to Lestat - so would she say that we should make our way back to your base?
** “He said: ’Rune to stop people from entering’.” Kraftie replied with a small frown. DeathJam stared at him for a moment.
“Wait you mean you can actually understand that stuff?” DeathJam asked incredulously. Kraftie smiled slightly then shrugged.
“A bit, not much though.
- Another picky moment - What Lestat said - most of it is not school yard learning - if Kraftie only knew a bit, I would find it hard to believe that he would know what he actually said. - Reality still needs to apply - even in fantasy
Sorry That I have only read some of it - times up and I have to get back to work - I'll finish this and my review later - and leave my final commetns on this chapter
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TIME TO LOST SOME WEIGHT - I WANT MY MITSI !!!
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08-12-2009 14:02 |
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Mortis
Emperor
Registration Date: 05-01-2007
Posts: 1,159
Location: Prague, Czech Republic
Race in game: Absorber
Clan: BoS exLead
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Ah, finally managed to read it. Great beginning. Waiting for more chapters. As for BoS, use what suits the story, no problem.
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"The brightest light is invisible. It shines through your deeds. And warms the universe."
"Sow the wind, reap the whirlwind."
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08-17-2009 14:02 |
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Lysandra
Viking
Registration Date: 01-11-2008
Posts: 531
Location: Canada
Race in game: Beastmaster
Thread Starter
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Thanks Mortis. And will do. Hah, thanks Hespera. I think you'll like how I've portrayed your character. Again, more leader character protrayals in the next chapter. Oh and drunken vampires...lol
Hey Raz, you can be my editor maybe? E-mail works better though so it's not so crowded here since I tend to have issues...lol.
Okay, sorry, no chapter. 
I have it doneish, but I want to re-work a few parts and possibly split it into two to make shorter chapters but more of them so they aren't as epically huge. Plus I didn't do Diablo's character justice. Yes, we get to meet my verison of diablo next chapter...hehe. One of his talents is being able to shoot a dozen bullets and making it sound like only one went off.
Anyway rant = done. I'm way too wiped to even be thinking about editing the chapter and I'd just kill it dead. And if I keep typing here I'll end up writing too much about it because yeah...lol I should have it up by next Monday. If all goes well and I get sleep and time to read it.
__________________
Former leader of the Family of Darkness.
Buying titanium neckwear of accuracy. PM in game.
Check out my website: www.vonravenstone.com
| quote: |
Originally posted by *GayTiger*
lys... that was amazing, it's pure orgasm on a page!
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08-20-2009 01:01 |
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Ba_al
Viking
Registration Date: 08-05-2008
Posts: 618
Location: Ireland :bulmers cider factory
Race in game: Cultist
Clan: DB
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hmmm....who would win between the alliance and [bos]
will need to wait for next chapter lol
the first fight between [bos] and [alliance] to see how i would vote
__________________
in-game-name
underworld: Ba_alzamon
I have a rich caramel filling
Founding father and former leader of ENDBRINGERS
DraGan 15:51 -> the time is never important, only the destination , thats how bal rolls
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08-20-2009 01:10 |
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Raziel666
Double Ace
Registration Date: 06-26-2008
Posts: 146
Location: Caught in the Maelstrom
Race in game: Absorber
Clan: BOS & AOD
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Only a dozen bullets??? - pah - My Diablo still has the double barrelled Uzis - lol
joking aside - I look forward to meeting your Diablo
Then we could have a real stand off - Your Diablo vs Mine - LMAO
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TIME TO LOST SOME WEIGHT - I WANT MY MITSI !!!
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08-20-2009 08:53 |
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Ba_al
Viking
Registration Date: 08-05-2008
Posts: 618
Location: Ireland :bulmers cider factory
Race in game: Cultist
Clan: DB
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hahaha
first part was funny to read lol
drunken vamps ahhh is there anything better lol
hmm ur diablo is looking like he can take out the alliance by himself lol
we need more firepower lmao
__________________
in-game-name
underworld: Ba_alzamon
I have a rich caramel filling
Founding father and former leader of ENDBRINGERS
DraGan 15:51 -> the time is never important, only the destination , thats how bal rolls
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08-23-2009 22:03 |
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Mortis
Emperor
Registration Date: 05-01-2007
Posts: 1,159
Location: Prague, Czech Republic
Race in game: Absorber
Clan: BoS exLead
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Nice.. must remind diablo to read it..
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"The brightest light is invisible. It shines through your deeds. And warms the universe."
"Sow the wind, reap the whirlwind."
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08-23-2009 22:11 |
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PureDoom01
Lord
Registration Date: 04-02-2008
Posts: 310
Race in game: Absorber
Clan: The Source
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nice work
make this into a cartoon lol 
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Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net
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08-23-2009 22:29 |
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foxy9
Lord
Registration Date: 06-27-2009
Posts: 274
Location: Wales (Llwyn-Y-Groes)
Race in game: Absorber
Clan: LIG + DASH
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08-23-2009 22:52 |
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Nemazis
Lord
Registration Date: 04-10-2008
Posts: 354
Location: England, London
Race in game: Absorber
Clan: Badger
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Lestat showed you that video of me drunk didn't he? -_-
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I'm back y'all, and I'm back y'all
And I'm backety back and I'm back y'all
And I'm back y'all, and I'm back y'all
And I'm backety back and I'm back y'all
I'm backety back back
And back back and backety back yo
Because I'm back and I'm black
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08-24-2009 02:58 |
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Lysandra
Viking
Registration Date: 01-11-2008
Posts: 531
Location: Canada
Race in game: Beastmaster
Thread Starter
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@ Ba_al: it was funny to write.
Nothing like drunk vampires. haha
@ Mortis: Actually he was one of the first to know it went up today so yeah...lol.
@ Puredoom: I'll see if Lest can do that, I'm not artistically inclined but he is. Speaking of, he still owes me a map of the city.
@Foxy: ha, thanks. You're the second person who's said that to me. I just hope you read the first book...lol.
@ DJ: there was a video? And no he didn't...lol. But now I'm going to bug you till I see it...and for your sig poll: toothache.
__________________
Former leader of the Family of Darkness.
Buying titanium neckwear of accuracy. PM in game.
Check out my website: www.vonravenstone.com
| quote: |
Originally posted by *GayTiger*
lys... that was amazing, it's pure orgasm on a page!
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08-24-2009 03:02 |
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Raxis
Set Abominae
Registration Date: 12-12-2007
Posts: 1,168
Race in game: Beastmaster
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Very nice.
you should get a contract for a film of this
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Create the infinite and expand the question.
Count to number seven.
Your day of rest creates infection,
Your imperfection.
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08-31-2009 18:46 |
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Pops
moderator...apparently
Registration Date: 10-22-2008
Posts: 652
Location: england
Race in game: Absorber
Clan: BoS
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morris code? did you mean morse code?
very good read. poll started
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No, you didn't imagine it, I DID just go there
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09-01-2009 04:26 |
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Hespera
Lord
Registration Date: 05-06-2007
Posts: 266
Location: Canada
Race in game: Absorber
Clan: The Coven
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I'm loving it so far, and voted alliance to win, purely becaused I'm biased and would want to be on the winning side of it haha! I find it really interesting to see the character development and see people interact from your own creative perspective. It's great to read about the battles and have good action but I think adding the character development makes it even more compelling to read. I think you're doing a fantastic job so far
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Clan Leader of The Coven
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09-01-2009 06:48 |
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Raxis
Set Abominae
Registration Date: 12-12-2007
Posts: 1,168
Race in game: Beastmaster
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This is very good.
i'm gonna die lol.
It's getting to be more and more readable, and better than the first now methinks.
I think you really nailed DJ there lol
__________________
Create the infinite and expand the question.
Count to number seven.
Your day of rest creates infection,
Your imperfection.
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09-01-2009 14:19 |
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KratosGod_Of_War
Junior Member
Registration Date: 08-15-2009
Posts: 21
Location: ENGLAND HELL
Race in game: Absorber
Clan: [BoS][V13]
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I think you missed out something
BOS has V13 aswell you know
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Demandred
Ingame name= Demandred
BOS & V13 Are the Best 
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09-01-2009 14:30 |
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Ba_al
Viking
Registration Date: 08-05-2008
Posts: 618
Location: Ireland :bulmers cider factory
Race in game: Cultist
Clan: DB
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i have voted alliance obviously lol
am enjoying it alot.....and the extra detail to the characters personalaties is great to read....and adds alot of character to the stroy
hmm since i ahve the first saved to note pad i guess i may start saving this one too lol
__________________
in-game-name
underworld: Ba_alzamon
I have a rich caramel filling
Founding father and former leader of ENDBRINGERS
DraGan 15:51 -> the time is never important, only the destination , thats how bal rolls
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09-01-2009 14:41 |
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foxy9
Lord
Registration Date: 06-27-2009
Posts: 274
Location: Wales (Llwyn-Y-Groes)
Race in game: Absorber
Clan: LIG + DASH
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09-01-2009 15:05 |
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Lysandra
Viking
Registration Date: 01-11-2008
Posts: 531
Location: Canada
Race in game: Beastmaster
Thread Starter
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| Just replies to comments.... |
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@ Popeye, thanks for poll and Morse
@ Hespera Thanks.
And yes, I'm biased too..lol. I may have to go back to book 1 and add some characterization in there...lol.
@ Raxis: Who says you're going to die? You haven't even read the reasoning behind that particular fight.
And better then the first? Really. XD Oh good, I was worried I messed up DJ.
@ Kratos: V13 is automatically counted in BoS. So anyone in V13 and BoS in game will be mentioned here under just BoS. Remember BoS in this story has like 100 members. BoS doesn't have 100 members on their own in game so yeah...lol
@ Ba_al: woot for characterization! Is no one going to vote for BoS? lol. Haha, you and your notepad files...lol
@ Foxy: I'm eventually going to try making this and the first into a book, well two books, yes. Not sure WHEN that's going to happen but I'll try. And good, two agree on DJ's character that means he's pretty much good.
There's going to be a fairly large battle coming up in either this chapter or the next one...I think. I don't have my notes on me but I know there's one coming up soonish.
__________________
Former leader of the Family of Darkness.
Buying titanium neckwear of accuracy. PM in game.
Check out my website: www.vonravenstone.com
| quote: |
Originally posted by *GayTiger*
lys... that was amazing, it's pure orgasm on a page!
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09-01-2009 16:06 |
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Lysandra
Viking
Registration Date: 01-11-2008
Posts: 531
Location: Canada
Race in game: Beastmaster
Thread Starter
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@ Agresiel: The people on the alliance side mentioned (DB, Coven, DARK, END, AOD and Sasuke) are the alliance, that's it that's all. Azz leaving and Ces becoming the leader of the merger of DB and Source won't happen here. BK also won't be mentioned and a few from Source won't be either. The reason is because the game clans change too drastically for a story like this to keep up.
For instance, Sakura was in END when I wrote book 1 and now Sakura is DARK. Masterwolf was also in END, but he's not anymore. Azz has left the game where he won't leave the story here. Also Titan, DM and Tiger_claw are down as DARK members, when they aren't in DARK in the game.
Basically the only way for people to be mentioned now is if they're in BoS, I've got everyone I want basically on the alliance side. So yeah, who you see clan wise is who you get, no more, no less.
__________________
Former leader of the Family of Darkness.
Buying titanium neckwear of accuracy. PM in game.
Check out my website: www.vonravenstone.com
| quote: |
Originally posted by *GayTiger*
lys... that was amazing, it's pure orgasm on a page!
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09-01-2009 16:44 |
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KratosGod_Of_War
Junior Member
Registration Date: 08-15-2009
Posts: 21
Location: ENGLAND HELL
Race in game: Absorber
Clan: [BoS][V13]
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| RE: Tale of the Twins Book Two |
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Lysandra just call me demandred
and nice story
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Demandred
Ingame name= Demandred
BOS & V13 Are the Best
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09-01-2009 17:26 |
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Mortis
Emperor
Registration Date: 05-01-2007
Posts: 1,159
Location: Prague, Czech Republic
Race in game: Absorber
Clan: BoS exLead
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Excellent read. Thx again for it. Really enjoying it.
Brotherhood for ever
__________________
"The brightest light is invisible. It shines through your deeds. And warms the universe."
"Sow the wind, reap the whirlwind."
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09-01-2009 21:35 |
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Pops
moderator...apparently
Registration Date: 10-22-2008
Posts: 652
Location: england
Race in game: Absorber
Clan: BoS
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as you wish
__________________
No, you didn't imagine it, I DID just go there
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09-02-2009 19:38 |
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