God_Like_Friend
Lord
Registration Date: 03-31-2008
Posts: 489
Location: England
Clan: BoS
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Why did the blonde stare at the orange carton?
It said "concentrate".
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| quote: |
Originally posted by Szeszej
And btw Agresiel your signature needs an update, it's more than a year now 
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Ingame: R1 NoOb-G R2 NoOb-GoD - ID 7
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04-10-2009 21:11 |
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Kurosaki-Ichigo
Full Member
Registration Date: 06-08-2008
Posts: 65
Location: england
Race in game: Beastmaster
Clan: Night!
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whats the difference between a ferrari and a pile of dead babies...
i dont have a ferrari in my garage
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My wife says she will kick me out if she finds out I have any "skeletons in my closet" - but the joke's on her because the kids in my closet are still alive.
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What's the biggest difference between men and women?
What they mean, when they say: "I got through a whole box of tissues watching that film."
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A white guy walks into the plastic surgeon's office and asks, "I want to be black. Can you do that?"
"Yeah, but we'll have to add two inches to your penis, take away 30% of your brain and make you 70% darker."
"Okay."
After the operation, the surgeon says, "I'm sorry, but we've made some mistakes. We cut off two inches off your penis, took away 70% of your brain and made you 30% darker. Is this okay with you?"
"Si, senor."
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Have you heard about the new chinese cook book?
It's called '101 ways to wok your dog'.
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Following recent apologies from the British for the Slave trade and the Germans for the Holocaust, I think it is high time the Jews were made to say sorry for killing Jesus.
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Every time I see a girl crossing the road, I want to run her over.
Every time I see a man walking home from work, I want to push him to the ground.
Every time I see a foreigner on the tube, I want to shoot them in the face.
And that’s why I joined the police force.
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Joseph: Do you have any rooms?
Innkeeper: No, we're full.
Joseph: Listen, my wife is pregnant....
Innkeeper: Hey, that's not my fault!
Joseph: It's not mine, either!
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Girlfriend, "Do you believe in puppy love?"
Boyfriend, "I've tried it once, but their arses are too tight."
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A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide.
The librarian says; "*bad word* off, you won't bring it back."
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A woman brings eight-year-old Johnny home and tells his mother that he was caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her eight-year-old daughter.
Johnny's mother says, "Let's not be too harsh on them.... they are bound to be curious about sex at that age."
"Curious about sex?" replies Mary's mother. "He's taken her ******* appendix out!"
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A woman gives birth, and a nurse takes the baby into an adjacent room to clean it up. She re-enters and approaches the mother, the babe wrapped up in a towel in her arms.
"Congratulations," she says. "It's a healthy baby girl." As she says this, she accidentally drops the baby, which promptly lands right on its squishy noggin.
"My baby!" screams the mother.
"Don't worry, I'll get it!" smiles the nurse.
However, she unfortunately stumbles and places her foot right on the baby's face, before accidentally kicking it across the room. It hits the wall with a sickening crack before the nurse runs over to it, peels it off the floor and throws it out of the window.
"What are you doing?!" yells the mother.
"April Fools!" replies the nurse. "It was already dead!"
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Just waiting for the new babysitter to get here...
...the absence of a baby will be only her second biggest shock of the night.
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A black-man was holding his eight-month-old baby while his wife was in the kitchen fixing lunch. The baby murmured, "mother."
The guy gets all excited and hollered to his wife, "Hey, the baby just said half a word!"
Im gonna stop now before i offend someone, and if i have offended anyone i apologise now and i am senserly sorry =)
And i also no i might get warned or banned for this so o.o IM REALLY REALLY SORRY >_<
i blame sickipedia See blame this: http://www.sickipedia.org/
__________________
-Ichigo-
This post has been edited 3 time(s), it was last edited by Kurosaki-Ichigo: 04-11-2009 00:52.
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04-11-2009 00:45 |
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Evangelion
The warning machine
Registration Date: 03-01-2007
Posts: 1,131
Location: Poland
Race in game: Beastmaster
Clan: BoS
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Once upon a time, there lived a beautiful Queen with large breasts. AudatiousTitan the Dragon Slayer obsessed over the Queen for this reason. He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death should he try to touch them, but he had to try.
One day AudatiousTitan revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Evangelion the Physician, the King Szeszej's chief doctor. Evangelion thought about this and said that he could arrange for AudatiousTitan to more than satisfy his desire, but it would cost him 1000 gold coins to arrange it. Without pause AudatiousTitan readily agreed to the scheme.
The next day, Evangelion made a batch of itching powder and poured a little bit into the Queen's bra while she bathed. Soon after she dressed, the itching commenced and grew intense. Upon being summoned to the Royal Chambers to address this incident, Evangelion informed the King Szeszej and Queen that only special saliva, if applied for four hours, would cure this type of itch, and that tests had shown that only the saliva of AudatiousTitan would work as the antidote to cure the itch.
King Szeszej, eager to help his Queen, quickly summoned AudatiousTitan to their chambers. Evangelion then slipped AudatiousTitan the antidote for the itching powder, which he put into his mouth, and for the next four hours, AudatiousTitan worked passionately on the Queen's large and magnificent breasts. The Queen's itching was eventually relieved, and AudatiousTitan left satisfied and hailed as a hero.
Upon returning to his chamber, AudatiousTitan found Evangelion demanding his payment of 1,000 gold coins. With his obsession now satisfied, AudatiousTitan couldn't have cared less and, knowing that Evangelion could never report this matter to King Szeszej and with a laugh told him to get lost.
The next day, Evangelion slipped a massive dose of the same itching powder into the King's underwear. King Szeszej immediately summoned AudatiousTitan.
__________________
All complaints on all the Moderators should be sent to me via 
PM rules = who is who and what may be reported to whom
"Getting old is mandatory... being mature is optional"
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06-05-2009 08:46 |
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lmfao, not sure i wanna know how u came up with that
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06-05-2009 10:23 |
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Hayz_M
Double Ace
Registration Date: 08-23-2008
Posts: 112
Race in game: Beastmaster
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lmfao XD \o/ evan I loved that
I wonder .. did you ever get that 1000 quid? 
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06-05-2009 10:40 |
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In the intrest of fairness evan tried the same trick with popeye and bob....thats a whole other story
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06-05-2009 10:50 |
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Hayz_M
Double Ace
Registration Date: 08-23-2008
Posts: 112
Race in game: Beastmaster
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naw.. poppy had that push up deodrant didnt he
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06-05-2009 10:51 |
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Ba_al
Viking
Registration Date: 08-05-2008
Posts: 618
Location: Ireland :bulmers cider factory
Race in game: Cultist
Clan: DB
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ROTFL
omg i laughed so hard hahahahahah
i think evan has to much time on his hands lol
__________________
in-game-name
underworld: Ba_alzamon
I have a rich caramel filling
Founding father and former leader of ENDBRINGERS
DraGan 15:51 -> the time is never important, only the destination , thats how bal rolls 
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06-05-2009 11:41 |
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maze
Newbie
Registration Date: 06-27-2009
Posts: 1
Location: nottingham, england
Race in game: Cultist
Clan: legion
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where would you find a toitoise with no legs??
where ya left it
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now under controll of demonfury, maze has left the building
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06-29-2009 13:09 |
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arania
Junior Member
Registration Date: 03-31-2008
Posts: 14
Location: Loughborough
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Shouldn't you be using "knock knock"????
I have just opened a joke thread and have been told by the almighty that this is where I should post them...!!!
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You can lead a fool to wisdom, but you can't make him think.
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07-20-2009 19:41 |
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Raxis
Set Abominae
Registration Date: 12-12-2007
Posts: 1,168
Race in game: Beastmaster
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So much nudity on the television these days, I just sit there shaking my fist
__________________
Create the infinite and expand the question.
Count to number seven.
Your day of rest creates infection,
Your imperfection.
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09-16-2009 20:10 |
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Pops
moderator...apparently
Registration Date: 10-22-2008
Posts: 652
Location: england
Race in game: Absorber
Clan: BoS
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what do you do if you have a lawn full of dead aliens? stop laughing and re-load
why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
because it was DEAD.......
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No, you didn't imagine it, I DID just go there
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09-16-2009 20:19 |
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Raxis
Set Abominae
Registration Date: 12-12-2007
Posts: 1,168
Race in game: Beastmaster
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My fairy god mother asked me if I wanted a long memory or long member, I can't remember what I said...
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I was standing in the park today wondering 'Why does a frizbee get bigger the closer it gets?' then it hit me....
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Went to a karoake bar last night that didn't play any seventies music, at first I was afraid....
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Did I already do my dejavu joke?
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My dad has a wierd hobby, he collects empty bottles, which sounds so much better than alcoholic
__________________
Create the infinite and expand the question.
Count to number seven.
Your day of rest creates infection,
Your imperfection.
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09-16-2009 20:25 |
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Kurosaki-Ichigo
Full Member
Registration Date: 06-08-2008
Posts: 65
Location: england
Race in game: Beastmaster
Clan: Night!
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Popeye your joke has anougher part to it,
The start was,
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
Because it was dead,
Why did the second monkey fall out the tree?
Cause it died laughing at the first.
Why did the third monkey fall out the tree?
Cause it thought it was a game.
(I LOST THE GAME!!)
__________________
-Ichigo-
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09-17-2009 10:37 |
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Vanargand
Forum Ace
Registration Date: 04-10-2009
Posts: 80
Location: Ireland(WOOT!!!!!!!!
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Race in game: Absorber
Clan: Endbriners
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aww damnit you made me lose the game
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09-17-2009 16:36 |
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AngryTiger
Junior Member
Registration Date: 08-28-2009
Posts: 21
Location: Ely
Race in game: Cultist
Clan: OMFG
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I JUST LOST THE GAME xD
i hate you guys now >_<
__________________
| quote: |
Originally posted by darc
i dont think a shrimp is a bug |
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09-17-2009 22:59 |
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Vanargand
Forum Ace
Registration Date: 04-10-2009
Posts: 80
Location: Ireland(WOOT!!!!!!!!
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Race in game: Absorber
Clan: Endbriners
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| quote: |
Originally posted by necrol
i won! but my legs are broken =( |
i hope your not referring to the game because it is impossible to win the game
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09-19-2009 02:03 |
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Raxis
Set Abominae
Registration Date: 12-12-2007
Posts: 1,168
Race in game: Beastmaster
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| quote: |
Originally posted by Vanargand
| quote: |
Originally posted by necrol
i won! but my legs are broken =( |
i hope your not referring to the game because it is impossible to win the game |
It isn't. But I'm not going to tell you how
Lets just say you'd probably get a slap for it, and lose your girlfriend/one night stand
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I always got the feeling my dad didn't like me. He took me fishing once, and I remember swimming back to short thinking
'I think my dad doesn't like me much'
He also took me golfing once, and I remember wimming back to shore thinking
'Swimming is a lot like golf.'
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Did I already do my deja vu joke?
__________________
Create the infinite and expand the question.
Count to number seven.
Your day of rest creates infection,
Your imperfection.
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09-19-2009 02:08 |
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OTNC
OrangeMöd
Registration Date: 06-01-2009
Posts: 381
Location: UK
Race in game: Cultist
Clan: V-13/BoS
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A woman has had a long arduous day full of pain and contractions while in the process of giving birth.
Finally, after hours of agony she is taken into the operating theatre.
The doctors did a fantastic job of easing the womans pain in a clean delivery.
The baby eventually slid straight out into the nurses hands.
"Congratulations! Its a baby bo-"
With an almighty expletive from the nearest doctor, the nurse had dropped the baby head first onto the tiled floor!
"Oh my god, i am SOOO SORRY!" said the nurse, bending down to pick up the newborn child.
The mother gasped as the nurse knelt on the childs head accidentally while picking it up!
"Its okay, ... im sure he'll be fine, he j-"
When suddenly, without warning, the nurse tripped over the umbilical chord,resulting in an accidental kick, launching the baby across the room, hitting the wall with a crack; the baby slowly slid down the wall, by now an unsightful mess.
"APRIL FOOLS!!!!" everyone shouted.
"It was already dead."
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12-16-2009 00:20 |
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Beatrice_2
Double Ace
Registration Date: 03-21-2009
Posts: 105
Location: In Bea Land :D
Clan: BK
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A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide. The librarian says; "GET LOST , you won't bring it back."
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12-16-2009 10:59 |
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Bat
Double Ace
Registration Date: 07-23-2008
Posts: 124
Location: Estonia
Race in game: Beastmaster
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Really old one
A bear and a rabbit are taking a $hit in the woods and the bear turns to rabbit and says "Excuse me do you have problems with $hit sticking to your fur" and the rabbit says "No"
So the bear whiped hes a$$ with the rabbit
__________________
Do you know where you are at 3 a.m.?
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02-16-2010 14:12 |
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Evangelion
The warning machine
Registration Date: 03-01-2007
Posts: 1,131
Location: Poland
Race in game: Beastmaster
Clan: BoS
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Dirty ones:
====================== JOKE ======================
A priest went to the doctor in a panic and asked him, "What does it mean, Doc, if when I take a pee it burns like the fire of Satan and I have this god-awful drip?"
The doctor smiled and said, "It means the altar boy lied - he wasn't a virgin.
====================== JOKE ======================
A man came home from work sporting two black eyes.
"What happened to you?" asked his wife.
"I'll never understand women," he replied. "I was riding up an escalator behind this pretty young girl, and I noticed that her skirt was stuck in the crack of her butt. So I pulled it out, and she turned around and punched me in the eye!"
"I can certainly appreciate that," said the wife. "But how did you get the second black eye?"
"Well, I figured she liked it that way," said the husband, "so I pushed it back in."
====================== JOKE ======================
Q. Why is it called a Wonder Bra?
A. When she takes it off, you wonder where her breasts went.
====================== JOKE ======================
Q. What do bunjee jumping and prostitutes have in common?
A. They both cost a hundred pounds and if the rubber breaks you're screwed.
====================== JOKE ======================
A man's walking home late at night when he sees a woman in the shadows.
"Twenty quid," she says.
He's never been with a prostitute before, but he decides what the hell. They're going at it for a minute when all of a sudden a light flashes on them - it's a policeman.
"What's going on here, people?" asks the officer.
"I'm making love to my wife," the man answers indignantly.
"Oh, I'm sorry," says the cop. "I didn't know."
"Well," said the man, "to tell the truth neither did I until you shined that light on her face."
====================== JOKE ======================
Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in, staggers up to them and points at the guy in the middle, shouting,
"Your mum's the best sex in town!"
Everyone expects a fight but the guy ignores him, so the drunk wanders off and bellies up to the bar at the far end. Ten minutes later, the drunk comes back, points at the same guy and says,
"I just screwed your mum, and it was s-w-e-e-t!"
Again the guy refuses to take the bait, and the drunk goes back to the far end of the bar. Ten minutes later, he comes back and announces,
"Your mum loved it!"
Finally, the guy just can't take it anymore. He looks at the drunk and yells,
"Go home, Dad! You're drunk again!"
====================== JOKE ======================
Q. Why are hurricanes named after women?
A. Because when they come, they're wild and wet, and when they go they take your house and car with them.
====================== JOKE ======================
Q. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A. Breasts don't have eyes.
====================== JOKE ======================
__________________
All complaints on all the Moderators should be sent to me via
PM rules = who is who and what may be reported to whom
"Getting old is mandatory... being mature is optional"
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03-15-2010 22:08 |
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Evangelion
The warning machine
Registration Date: 03-01-2007
Posts: 1,131
Location: Poland
Race in game: Beastmaster
Clan: BoS
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If:
- without any particular reason you want to go to sleep
- sometimes you want to eat something sweet, drink beer, eat something salty, etc.,
- your hair keeps breaking and falling out
- you eat the same amount of food all the time but your belly keeps growing
- you're tired and angry all the time
- you keep getting more and more wrinkles on your face
- you don't have a period
That means you're a man.
__________________
All complaints on all the Moderators should be sent to me via
PM rules = who is who and what may be reported to whom
"Getting old is mandatory... being mature is optional"
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05-01-2010 22:28 |
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Bat
Double Ace
Registration Date: 07-23-2008
Posts: 124
Location: Estonia
Race in game: Beastmaster
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Its like a riddle ,pretty easy one tho
Gets wet without going into water
Gives blood without wound
Gives milk without eating grass
And goes crazy without a reason
And it is?
__________________
Do you know where you are at 3 a.m.?
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05-02-2010 02:00 |
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4thtimelucky
Triple Ace
Registration Date: 08-23-2009
Posts: 191
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A woman in the bar says that she wants to have plastic surgery to enlarge her breasts. Her husband tells her, "Hey, you don't need surgery to do that. I know how to do it without surgery."
The lady asks, "How do I do it without surgery?"
"Just rub toilet paper between them."
Startled the lady asks, "How does that make them bigger?"
"I don't know, but it worked for your ass."
got that sent to me yesterday wish i could add more but people might take offence
__________________
http://youtu.be/mbIYtum1y1s
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06-24-2010 16:07 |
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