Cthulhu
Viking
Registration Date: 11-29-2007
Posts: 726
Location: UK
Race in game: Absorber
Clan: HL
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| Z3 task -- Son's journey -- re-write |
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Just a suggestion, on how this could be better written / spelling & grammar corrcetions, etc. (my versions are in orange)
TASK:
Many days have passed since your son started off on a journey into the unknown and you still didn`t hear from him. Apprehensive, you decided to look for him.
TASK:
Many days have passed since your son left on a journey into the unknown and you still haven't heard from him. Apprehensive, you decide to look for him.
SUCCESSFUL QUEST:
The surroudings were becoming more and more dull. Dark forest full of dead tries. The relics of the World War III. So downheartening. Sad. Scary.
It had been a few miles since you last saw a sign of your son.
Suddenly you heard a rustle. Your body couldn`t take much more pressure.
You quickly turned around
`Father!`
Impatient, you focused on what was the most important.
`Tell me what you have find out!`
`Anhala was kidnapped by a mad necromancer who`s hiding her far away from here, we must get there`, you could tell that it was true from the bruises, scabs and scars on your son`s body.
`What`s happened exactly?`, you said, suppressing your impatience.
`There`s an army, an army prepared to invade the City. This time no one is saved. The dead are raising from their graves. Inferno. Death`, you were under the impression that it wasn`t your son. He was speaking with a different voice; much more grim. `Who can stop such an army?`
After a couple of minutes your son seemed to regain consciousness.
You returned to the City. Your son needed care that couldn`t be ensures in a dark forest. He was uncosciouss during the whole journey.
During one of the stopover you heard him whisper `All made of gold. Death and inferno. Golden flame`.
After a few days you came to understand what he had meant.
SUCCESSFUL QUEST
The surroundings were becoming more and more dull. The dark forest was full of dead trees, relics of World War III. So down-heartening. Sad. Scary.
It had been a few miles since you last saw a sign of your son.
Suddenly you heard a rustle. Your body couldn`t take much more pressure, and you turned quickly to face the sound.
`Father!`
Glad to see your son, but impatient, you focused on what was most important.
`Tell me what you have found out?`
`Anhala has been kidnapped by a mad necromancer, who`s hiding her far away from here. We must get to her!`
You could tell what he said was true from the bruises, scabs, and scars on his body.
`What happened exactly?' you said, suppressing your impatience.
`There`s an army; an army preparing to invade the City. This time no one is safe. The dead are rising from their graves. Inferno. Death!`
Suddenly, you became a aware that this might not be your son; he was speaking with a different voice. More grim.
`Who can stop such an army?` He mumbled as he passed out from exhaustion.
After a couple of minutes your son regained consciousness, and you started your return to the City. Your son needed care that you could not offer in a dark forest. He faded in and out of consciousness during the whole journey.
At one point, while he was talking in his sleep, you heard him whisper `All made of gold. Death and inferno. Golden flame.`
A few days later you came to understand what he meant.
Just thought it could read a little better. 
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This post has been edited 3 time(s), it was last edited by Cthulhu: 07-31-2011 21:30.
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